“Shit Happens” to MH17
By Max Gross

'I want to give people this absolute assurance: no cuts to education, no cuts to health, no change to pensions, no change to GST, no cuts to the ABC or SBS' - Tony Abbott, 6th September, 2013

"The Coalition will do the right thing for Australia and deliver a strong, stable, accountable government that puts the national interest first and delivers a better future for all Australians. We will restore accountability and improve transparency measures to be more accountable to you" - Liberal Party website

“Shit happens” – Tony Abbott, Afghanistan, 2011

lie [lahy]
1. a false statement made with intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. - The Macquarie Dictionary [Synonyms: prevarication, falsification. Antonyms: truth.]

In the spirit of Abbottism and the democratic right to bigotry as proclaimed by the nation's top law officer - the federal attorney general George "Bookshelf" Brandies - I hereby declare that Tony Abbott, his cabinet and his ministry are a gang of traitors, perjurors and evil-doers.

Traitors because they act against the best interests of Australia. Perjurors because it’s in their genes. Evil-doers because... well, read on, dear bleeders, read on.

Abbott's vainglorious mentor "honest" John Howard, Australia's very own Quisling, having invented the "non-core promise", devised the cynical campaign slogan: Who do You Trust?

Not "Who is Honest?"

Not "Who Speaks the Truth?"

The difference was subtle but obvious to those who know the difference between shit and Nutella.

And so it came as no surprise when Abbott, like some twisted mandrake root sprung from the spilled semen of a hanged criminal, used the same slogan in his bullshit blitzkrieg for the prime ministership.

The Mendacious Midget begat the Gormless Golem.

Abbott just can't help himself. We’ve all see him at it before. His dim-witted mediaeval resolve stiffens, his big gob gapes, the stinking bilge flushes out while the brain cells remain dormant. He has the gift of the gaff, rivalling even the notorious war criminal George W. Bush for dangerous idiocy. And just enough Aussie voters were stupid enough to let this creep slip into the nation's top slot.

Not only does Abbott mirror the deceit, obscurantism and anti-intellectualism of the Shrub but he also is without a moral compass. No integrity, no honesty, no credibility.

He would have made a fine Catholic priest (As Fairfax reported, Abbott’s cabinet is “the most powerful collection of Catholics ever assembled in Australia, with almost half its 19 minister being members of that faith, nearly double the proportion of Catholics in the general population”).

It’s not for nought that Tony Abbott was tagged the Mad Monk; in word and deed, he has a history of acts of bigotry, bastardry and cruelty.

The Abbott regime has deliberately targeted every government agency remotely involved in objective analysis, independent advice or scientific rigour. Funding has been reduced or removed, resources have been withdrawn and expertise has been derided and dismissed.
For the first time in almost a hundred years, Australia has no Minister for Science. That role was abolished by Tony Abbott among his first acts as prime sinister.

The man who pledged in blood to speak the gospel truth and "restore accountability and improve transparency measures" has done the exact opposite.

Whether or not Abbott's father died of shame over his belligerent and vindictive son is no worthier of civil discourse than speculation regarding whether or not Tony Abbott fucks pigs. That is, of course, unless Mantra Man uses his prime ministerial pulpit to proclaim the universal benefits of pig-fucking. And if he should then provide substantial taxpayer funding for pig-fuckers to promote their demented predilictions in our schools to our children, then this is something we must fight.

Perversely, Abbott's abuse of vulnerable, powerless people seeking refuge in Australia from violence, prejudice and poverty in their homeland is clearly at odds with his family's arrival by boat from England when he was a child. As a native-born Aussie proud of the notion if not the nation of a fair-go, I sympathise with the Abbott’s status as economic migrants seeking a better future, especially if they have since contributed to Australia's progress as a civil, just and fair society.

Clearly Tony Abbott himself has not. He has persistently demonstrated a negative, divisive and destructive influence. For the good of all, he should be removed from office and deported back to where he came from as a person not-of-good-character. If only.

And so to Mantra Man's latest display of ineptitude and aggro excess.

The horrific destruction of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 with all aboard blown to Hell-and-gone by an apparent surface-to-air missile is beyond sanction and rightly to be condemned, its perpetrators brought to justice, its victims mourned. But with the debris still burning, Abbott launched an inflammatory tirade against former KGB goon squad boss Vladimir Putin, against long-suffering Russia and the against the incompetent independence militia of Donetsk.

Yet, even before U.S. Intelligence reports admitted as much, it was obvious that MH17 was targeted by mistake.

And it is by no means the first time a civilian aircraft was blown from the sky, an act of terror even the "the great and ever-good republic of " U.S.A. is guilty of by launching missiles at Iranian Flight 655 in 1988, slaying all 290 civilians on board... including 66 children.

Australia itself may well have drowned hundreds of innocent men, women and children by sinking the rasmshackle boats of asylum seekers. Who knows? After all, Abbott government policy hides its "on-water-activities", right? But we do know of at least one "tow-back" by our bastardised navy which pulled a boat to pieces.

There's sickening irony in the fact that Putin's international statesmanship, gravitas and humanitarian concern is just as credible as Abbott's.

For all Abbott's pomposity and Putin's excuses, the fundamental question remains unanswered: who the hell gave the go-ahead for MH17 to fly into a war zone?

Abbott's showy concern for MH17's dead vividly contrasts his gutless silence on the latest Israeli crimes against humanity committed in Gaza.

Opposition leader Bill "Swifty" Shorten's recognition of "unspeakable tragedy" failed to spot the mounting piles of shattered corpses in the most heavily populated region in the world.
Unspeakable? Yes: Israel's war crimes are not to be spoken of. But bombing UN refuges, hospitals and homes is just not tragic enough for him to condemn Zionazism, Likud and that pitiless old scumbag Netanyahu.

There WAS beetroot-faced Barnyard Joys, the National Party "leader" who holds some sort of post in the Abbott ministry making sandwiches or folding napkins or something of the sort, on Q & A the other night, being given the opportunity to express his opinion on the Zionazi habit of bombing U.N. refugee camps, hospitals and schools. His lame verbal contortions were grotesque, as if he had shoved his arm far up his arse, grabbed himself by the nose and turned himself inside out in order to avoid the issue. His pusillanimous inanity, his timid generalisations, his vacuous, boiler-plate excuses, his ducking and weaving was nauseating to behold. The sound of viewers gagging, vomiting and flushing toilets was heard throughout Australia.

Are our pollies really so intimidated by the Israel Lobby? Yes, dear bleeders, they really are.

If there's one thing both Libs and Labs maintain bipartisan agreement on its Israel's right to shoot fish in a barrel with a bazooka.

Do the math. MH17: 298 dead. Gaza: 1800 dead and counting... and 10,000 injured and counting.

As for traumatised Palestinian kids... Well, is anyone counting? I know, I know, it's so difficult keeping up.

As with USAnia's eternal “war-on-terror”, Israel’s atrocities ensure a steady increase in the numbers of justifiably infuriated enemies.

Regarding victims of the Israeli army, air force and navy, where are Tony Abbott's prime ministerial condemnations of the culprits, his demands for justice and respect for the dignity of the dead? Where is Australia's U.N. Security Council motion for sanctions against Israel and for international intervention? And where-oh-where is Julie Bishop's daffy black hat that looks like a sea anemone?

There’s no denying the bloody idiocy of Hamas militia attempting to hit the side of a barn by crossing their fingers, making a wish and lobbing tea kettles and copper pots over Israel's Berlin Wall. Rampaging Israeli troops are legitimate targets, not some poor shmuck walking down Haifa Street with his shopping, ducking for cover from a blind-fired rocket.
But Hamas has one thing on its side that the Israeli government does not: history.

I don't mean ancient Jewish fairy tales. I mean facts.

Hamas did not start this "conflict". Hamas has not forced Israelis into refugee camps, poverty, despair and graves for the past seven decades. Hamas is not persisting in stealing Jewish land and resources and constructing illegal "settlements" in defiance of international law. Hamas is not dividing Israel into easily oppressed ghettos, controlling food and water supply, sea lanes and movement in general. And Hamas is not a foreign construct like Zionism, sustained by powerful U.S. lobby-groups, lawyers, guns and money.

And, after all, Palestinians have a right to defend themselves against the existential threat posed by a relentlessly expansionist rogue state armed with weapons of mass destruction.
So let us all pause for a moment's silence in respect of those slain in error aboard Malaysia Airlines Flight 17, for those being slain by the Ukrainian army bombardment of Donetsk and for those being slain as a matter of Israeli state policy in besieged Gaza.
Lest we forget. Never again. And a partridge in a pear tree. Especially with the latest news that the U.S. has restocked Israel with ammunition after yet another Zionazi bombardment of a school in which scores of kids were slaughtered and maimed.

Yes, dear bleeders, as our Prime Minister so tactfully surmised, shit certainly happens.
I guess that's why he generously approved government support for relatives of Aussies killed aboard MH17 to travel to the Netherlands in order to accompany the repatriation of their loved ones' remains.

Just like his generosity in denying entry visas to the parents of the Tamil asylum seeker who burned himself to death a few months ago. They only wanted to attend their son's funeral.
Oh, the humanity. Oh, the pig-fucker.

But Tony Abbott PM never won trust, it's just that Gillard and Rudd lost it. Hell, Abbott didn’t even win the 2013 federal election.

Let’s do the math again.

According to the Australian Electoral Commission, Abbott’s Coalition got 54% of the two party-preferred vote, demonstrating the folly of a skewed system. But punters’ first preferences show the real story, with the ALP scoring 33.38%, the Fiberals 32.02%, LNP QLD 8.92%, NP 4.29% and CLP NT 0.32% and so on, descending accordingly.

In other words Labs almost 34%, Fibs barely 32%.

Close, but no mandate, because one of those numbers is definitely higher than the other and it ain’t Abbott’s.

Oh, but what’s that you say, Monsignor? You are part of a Coalition? You mean, a power-sharing arrangement with minor parties in order to form government, the very idea of which you so adamantly, positively and unequivocally condemned when in opposition? Oops.

The Libs have always slid into government on minimal primary votes and maximum campaign lies.

Abbott's "mandate" and his hilarious solemnity regarding his recently acquired concern for parliamentary decorum are as blatantly fake as the "carefully scripted" words that fly from his lips like wet confetti and a drunken wedding.

I’m not sure whether Libs's asylum seeker policy is Kafkaesque or Monty Pythonesque.

Currently around the world there are about two and a half million people fleeing their homelands. In Lebanon a million people - a quarter of the population – are refugees, many escaping the bloodbath in Syria.

As an accomplice of the U.S.A., Australia is directly responsible for the ongoing violence and devastation in Iraq and in Afghanistan - two major sources of refugees. Therefore the federal government has a responsibility to help those seeking asylum settle here in safety and free from threat, and to provide them with health, education and working rights too.

But instead we do WHAT to them? Even though more than 90 per cent of refugee applicants who reach Australia are found to be genuine? For real?

For real.

As Opposition Leader, Abbott blasted the Gillard government over and over and over again for failing to protect asylum seekers who tried to get here aboard barely seaworthy boats, while WikiLeaks cables revealed a senior Lib strategist gloating to a U.S. embassy wonk it was "fantastic" for the Fiberal party, saying: ''The more boats that come, the better."

Nowadays the dysfunctional Abbott government keeps secret the number of boats heading our way, for “operational security reasons” and, pushing the bullshit envelope, the PM declared it “unpatriotic” to report details or dare even question the zealous keepers of the Abbottoir.

Consider this. In 2011 the Immigration Department employed just 13 spin doctors.

Now, Phony Tony’s Immigration Department employs 66 media unit propagandists supported by an additional 33 Customs and Border Protection staff who whitewash “on-water operations” for him and his deranged Oberfuhrer Smut Morrison.

Abbott also has a new, rarely-utilised, $300,000 Customs and Border Protection “high-tech”media briefing room – with $800 door knobs, no less – where his spokesthings can say “no comment”.

Yep. For real. Pig-fuckers.

Abbott’s cynical tactic of dumping asylum seekers on corrupt, buggerised PNG to be murdered or on corrupt, buggerised Nauru to be abused, and of returning boats to Indonesia even if people enter Australian waters or land on Australian territory, is against the United Nations Refugee Convention that Australia originally helped draft and, despite Abbott’s “illegals” agitiprop, is still a signatory to.

So now, after ten months in office and after breaking every critical blood oath, promise and iron-clad commitment they made before, during and since the 2013 election, I suggest a new campaign slogan for Bluffman and his mob of rorters, bigots and backbench seat-warmers, a slogan that will serve for our excrementitious PM's political epitaph: Promise everything, guarantee nothing.

Julia Gillard was crucified for her "There will be no carbon tax under a government I lead" sound bite when Abbott, his cheer squad and Murdoch's town criers carefully excised the rest of her words "but I am determined to introduce a price on carbon".

Triassic Tony spent three years baying for "Juliar's" blood after the establishment of an industry price on carbon that he conned people into thinking was a new "tax". And this appalling charade was all played out in the blazing light of the fact that Abbott is on record describing a price on carbon as the most sensible option for reducing carbon emissions.

But Abbott and his acolytes don't "misspeak" or change their minds or whatever other lazy, craven, namby-pamby adjective the lame-stream media uses. Oh no.

They lie. It's deliberate. It's planned. It's policy.

In Fed Treasurer Joe "Haw-Haw" Hockey’s faux "emergency" Budget, the most telling items impose massive funding cuts to the CSIRO but provide a generous increase in funding for the government’s "school chaplaincy program".

Rational, fact-based science is out, crazy-eyed pig-fucking is in.

Just as crazy-eyed is the Abbott mob's obsession with a federal Budget surplus, as if that's the only measure of economic progress. And naturally – for the Libs – the Budget deficit can only be “fixed” with vicious cuts that target the most vulnerable people at the bottom of the money ladder.

Abbott's hero, Saint Robert Menzies (the original Colt from Kooyang... or was it Cunt?) must be scratching his crumbling skull in perplexity, since he managed to cling to power for an historic 16 years as Australia's longest reigning prime minister without nailing a single, solitary budget surplus.

Not one. Nil. Nada. Zip.

Meanwhile, the former Labor government created a million jobs during a global economic recession, achieved the lowest interest rates in Australian history, low inflation, low taxes, a strong dollar, continued GDP growth, record investment, a AAA rating awarded by very financial institutions the Libs usually worship, and became the envy of the western world.

And that, according to the fatuous Hockey and mulish Abbott, constituted a “crisis”.

The real crisis is, instead of a skilled, savvy negotiator in Julia Gillard – arguably the best PM Australia never had - who oversaw 590 pieces of legislation despite a hostile parliament, we now have a petty, peddle-pushing buffoon for prime minister, a pretentious, inarticulate homophobe who considers women second class citizens, thinks asylum seekers are a political not an humanitarian issue, poo-poos objective economic reporting that contradicts Lib lies, shrugs off the hypocrisy of hounding Peter Slipper over dodgy cab vouchers while he and his colleagues rort their parliamentary entitlements, and who believes bronze-age myth over science so that “climate change is crap”.

As for the 200 Parliamentary Budget Office costings Abbott promised to release "in good time" at his Corio conference during last year’s election campaign, where the bloody hell are they? Ten months in office and, as far as I can tell, they STILL haven’t been released for scrutiny.
And these are the “adults in charge”.

Who do you trust?

Bend over and pass the Nutella.

But Abbott has convinced me of one truism. That an Opposition's only purpose is to oppose and to sabotage anything and everything proposed by a Government.

Following the proven Abbott code of conduct, I fully expected Labor to bellow a resounding NO at any and every proposed act of Fiberal government scumbuggery.

I also expected relentless Labor attempts to disrupt the functions of Parliament and persistent calls for another election. What's good for one goose is good for another.
There should also have been relentless onslaught of criticism of Abbott’s hair (On his chest if not his head), his dress sense, his shoes, his arse, his chimpanzee gait and his barely coherent mumblings. Oh, and amusing in-jokes about his private parts listed, for example, on a dinner menu at a knees-up of the party faithful.

And since Mr Abbott adamantly ruled out power-sharing among minor parties as a means of forming government I fully expected the Liberal and National Coalition to declare the election result null and void, to split and to vacate the adults' table.

Of course, none of this happened. Labor remains missing in inaction. The lamestream media continues to serve Abbott soft-balls. And that Alan Jones - the human chum-bucket - is not at the bottom of the Pacific stuffed inside a chaff bag.

Lazy news media outlets continue to avoid asking Abbott tough questions and cowardly Abbott continues to avoid real interviews with real journalists, at Peta Creeplin’s command I guess, just in case viewers are rewarded with another glimpse of the REAL Tony Abbott as in 2011 when he froze on camera and failed to speak for 24 seconds of mute, enraged head-nodding after being asked by Channel 7's Mark Riley to explain his ''shit happens'' comment about a soldier's death in Afghanistan.

Triassic Tony, the Mad Monk, Bluffman: shameless, gormless and gutless.

I'm done voting for any of these crooks, hacks and dangerous, idealogical fanatics.

Remember, folks, when author Donald Horne described Australia "The Lucky Country" he was being sarcastic.

But some Australians are getting mad. Very mad. Their scars are starting to itch.

We live in hope, we die oblivious.

So, March Australia, Stop the Boasts and… ABORT ABBOTT!